Organic Flow

I really needed a long yoga practice.  I love the Kundalini and always end up sore and sweaty from it but I needed to just have a day (just a day, I won't think ahead any further then that, lol) where I surrender to a long yoga experience, to really work out my kinks.  I used to be such a hard-ass when it came to yoga; I would FORCE myself to do at least one hot 90 minute practice everyday (sometimes two)...and while this was good for me, I was rigorous about it, not giving myself any off days and had to push myself hard every time...until all my effort went to waste because I got burned out.  My body just said, "no more" after awhile.  Despite yoga asanas being such a great thing, the ego can get involved and then make it not such a good thing.

Of course I still LOVE throwing myself full-throttle into things, yoga too, but I have learned that it is essential I have more compassion for myself and do yoga, not to satisfy my ego, but to soothe my soul.  To align my will with the Cosmic Will.

So tonight I decided I wouldn't do Kundalini, but to attempt a full power yoga practice.  My mind immediately rebelled when I rolled out the mat because it is accustomed to me pushing hard and being anal retentive about my practice - not allowing myself any leeway to have "fun."  But FUN is a VERY essential part of yoga, in my opinion!   Today I decided I would enjoy my practice and just take it one breath at a time...

I read about how sAM did her practice to music the other day...and that gave me an idea for how to invigorate more fun into my yoga.  I decided instead of being all serious and traditional about it, I would break my own "inner rules" and just flow to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon + Wish You Were Here...two of my favorite albums.  I decided to do it nude because the thought of doing it with clothes on was unbearable for some reason...clothes make me feel very confined in poses.  I cranked up my space heater to see if I could get a good sweat going....even though I intended to take it easy...

So I began, and I LITERALLY took it breath by breath.  Within 30 seconds of beginning my flow, I had a thought of "I don't think I can do this entire thing," but when I thought that, I gave myself a long pause, simply existing in neutral, before I felt ready to continue.  The thing is, I always felt ready to continue after these little pauses in which I could catch my breath.  I thought that was neat.  I didn't need to get off the mat...I just needed to find rest and peace ON the mat.

What really helped me loosen up was doing a flowing dance within the early poses to Pink Floyd. Especially the Warrior poses. 

In the past I used to be very VERY rigid about my flow, thinking:  "I have to do every pose I know, including variations, NO EXCEPTIONS, every time."  Well, that's not very fun, when you FORCE yourself to do that every single day.   This day was totally different.  Listening to the smooth beats and harmonies of Pink Floyd...I dissolved myself into whatever felt right.  I moved slowly, with intent, totally nonthinking.  Looking back I don't remember much of the practice.  It just felt so organic and natural.  I remember my ego sparking up here and there...but each time I would just pause, breathe, and then slowly move into the next pose.

It was probably the most relaxing yoga session I've ever had.  And yet I definitely removed some blockages and stirred up energy, because I felt like I was going to throw up at one point.  I calmly reflected about how the ego is in the seat of the stomach and if my stomach was nauseous that meant there was a shift happening in my ego and then I blanked out again and didn't have any more nausea.   What amazes me is that I didn't push myself hard at all...just enough...and it was enough.  I was so so compassionate and kind to myself.   Nonetheless I was dripping in sweat and could barely stand at the end, just languid and tranquil.  I must have gone for over 90 minutes but I wasn't really aware...and I see now how it doesn't even matter.  The time you spend doing yoga doesn't matter...the number of poses you do does not matter...all that matters that you arrive...and just let go. 

I feel pretty great right now.  Emotionally stirred up.   But amazed at the level of compassion I was able to show towards myself and the enjoyment I got out of my practice.  It wasn't slave drudgery.  It wasn't a military drill.  It was just totally organic flowing...

Thanks Pink Floyd.