Yesterday I spent the majority of my day beside my mother in the hospital. It was nice spending time with her. She was alert, chatty and mostly upbeat. I remained calm, peaceful and as centered as possible to help her do the same. I occasionally shared Reiki with her, laying my hands on her feet or holding her hand—I massaged and moisturized her feet. Overall, it was a pleasant day. Upon leaving the hospital I noticed my body was heavy and my emotions began to rise to just below the surface… I was still feeling quiet and still, but physically heavy and drained.
Once settled at home, a simple hug from J began the release of the days repressed emotions, but it just scratched the surface, I knew something needed to be done to let the rest come out. I ate some pineapple, then got onto the yoga mat. J took out his guitar and his soul began speaking to mine through song as I twisted, stretched and moved my body.
I concentrated on hip opening poses, as they've proven to be the most effective for releasing my emotions. I deeply bent the front leg in the warrior poses while pulling my feet toward each other, engaging both my legs thoroughly. I really pushed myself. I wanted to feel it burn. I've experienced many emotional breakdowns while in half pigeon, and last nights experience was no different. The songs J was playing spoke to me so deeply and so emotionally that it really helped me dig into whatever I needed to release. A lot of fearful thoughts came and went… just passing through. I'd breathe deeper and louder and relax into each pose… I let it feel good.
"good"… hehe. The inner masochist stretched me deeper and deeper… I wanted to feel *something*—the more I felt the better I felt. I'd lengthen on the inhale and stretch on the exhale, deeper and deeper into each pose. I felt more flexible than I have in a long time. My body lacked resistance, it just let itself stretch, bend and twist. My muscles weakened and shook, but that's exactly what I need to release.
I felt beautiful after-wards. Emotions still continued to trickle out, but I was at peace with what was.
Each time I have an experience like this, I'm reminds that life doesn't need to be so hard—that it's always possible to take a step back and experience it a little differently.
Hey! I was so thrilled to see this post! WONDERFUL yoga report, thank you so much for sharing the experience you had with the hip openers. It was very touching to read of the time you shared with your mom in the hospital and how you helped her with Reiki. I can also relate to a lot of what you wrote about getting in deeper and deeper into a pose...seems like the deeper you go, the more release happens. That's certainly motivation to go deeper every time.
ReplyDeleteI really like how a home practice can be so meaningful and so tailored to what the individual needs at a certain moment. Such an experience as you had with the music and the focus on opening the hips is often not available in a regular class. I love classes too, but there is something special about practicing at home, practicing for your Self.
Yeah, getting deep into a pose is really something I'm enjoying right now. I love feeling the pose throughout my body, in as many places as possible. It really helps me to feel connected with the practice.
ReplyDeletePracticing at home has always been a challenge for me. I think I'm getting the hang of it, finally :)